Say My Name, Bitch
Having grown tired of the mainstream media constantly getting my name wrong in the news by putting it in quotation marks, I have decided it’s finally time to reveal my real name, with evidence.
My real name is…
Drum roll…
Ice White.
You already fucking knew that. You just didn’t believe it, because you’re a normie who thinks everyone should only have names that existed more than 2,000 years ago. Because that’s the ‘popular’ thing, and you’re afraid of being unique.
For years, people have sent me emails accusing me of being someone I’m not…
My name isn’t John. First of all, my family isn’t even religious. No Bible has ever entered our house.
My name isn’t Devin. Devin isn’t even a White, doesn’t even look like me, and he doesn’t even have a beard. Just because he has a similar accent doesn’t mean we’re the same person.
My name isn’t Jennifer either. And I don’t know why the fuck I am getting emails with this one especially. The only Jennifer I know is the one from Back To The Future. I don’t even know any real Jennifers myself, and I’ll be damned if I ever do finally meet one just to find that she has a beard too.
Ice White Name Origin
During pregnancy, my mother had a craving for popsicles.
Throughout my childhood, I was often reminded that my mom ate 80 popsicles per day before I was born. I never thought much of it until I was well into my teenage years, when I finally realized how crazy that was. Especially since she never liked the cold.
Thus, I was named Ice White. And it has nothing to do with Vanilla Ice or Ice Ice Baby, that came along at a slightly different time.
White is our surname, passed down the generations of my paternal ancestors from Ireland.
And Ice is my first name, passed down from thousands of individual popsicles, purchased in boxes, straight from the grocery store, near the frozen section.
I have no middle names.
I come from a pretty eccentric family, and we have some odd family traditions. One of which is to name our children with purpose, in a way that works well with the surname. As a family, we just do naming differently. Fortunately there is nobody called Walter White or Heisenberg in my family, as far as I know.
At the same time, it’s not even unheard of. I have close friends with similar family traditions, naming their children Shynel, Lucixe or Tujax. And that’s just one family I know.
One of our other strange family traditions is to buy each other stupid and useless birthday gifts. I think my uncle started that one. We used to receive the most absurd and sarcastic birthday cards with the strangest messages on them. These are the things people remember.
How I Name My Children
I called my daughter Luna, so her name would mean White Moon. This is because she was uniquely born in a different place to the rest of us due to the pandemic of 2020. As she is born into an international family, the idea was that distant family members could look up to the sky and see her there.
My wife wanted her to have a middle name, so she tried to convince me to add Lucia. Little did I know, Lucia means Light. So by sheer coincidence, as Lucia comes from my wife’s middle name and my wife’s grandmother’s first name, my daughter’s full name is…
Luna Lucia White. It means White Light Of The Moon.
I keep a list of names for my next children. If I have another daughter, I’m gonna have to go with Snow White.
Is That Really Your Real Name?
Duh. Yes.
I find it funny when someone says ‘that’s a made up name’. Bitch, every name is a ‘made up name’.
If your name is James, some crazy ass motherfucker was the first person in the Universe to name someone else James. One is simply older and more popular than the other. It’s not impossible to use letters from the alphabet, unless you can’t fucking read.
Ice White is 8 letters long and 2 words. You can find both words in a dictionary, and you can easily translate it.
Ice White International
I dated women from many countries around the world, and some of them taught me what Ice White would be in their languages.
English: Ice White
French: Glace Blanc
Spanish: Hielo Blanco
Portuguese: Gelo Branco
Italian: Ghiaccio Bianco
German: Eis Weiß
Russian: Лед Белый (Lyod Belyj)
Chinese: 冰白 (Bing Bai)
Japanese: 氷白 (Kori Shiro) / アイス・ホワイト (Aisu Howaito)
Train Tickets
I have train tickets.
Plane Tickets
I have boarding passes for flights. These are just 3 of hundreds of flights I have probably taken throughout my lifetime.
Bank Accounts
I have bank accounts. Here is one of them.
Other Legal Name Evidence
My Facebook and Instagram profiles are verified, which require matching ID.
