I will never forget the moment I was informed of the death of Tom Torero, I felt compelled to do something. It felt like injustice.
I had seen rumors before that people had died. In 2022, there was a rumor that former Real Social Dynamics Instructor Luke Krogh (RSD Luke) was dead, which wasn’t true at all. Upon taking a deeper look, the rumor that Tom Torero had died was actually true.
On 12 November 2021, ‘journalist’ Danya Hajjaji published the article Pick-Up Artist Tom Torero Sold Sex Recordings, Targeted Teen Girls Using Major Tech Firms. The article became significant because Tom Torero was found dead just 6 weeks later, on 27 December 2021.
Canceling Tom Torero
The title alone of Danya Hajjaji’s Newsweek article was obvious to me that the article was an attempt to guilt-trip major companies like Amazon, YouTube, Meta, Stripe and PayPal into canceling him.
Amazon was targeted in order to effectively burn all of Tom Torero’s books. YouTube was targeted in an attempt to take down his content. PayPal and Stripe were targeted to shut down Tom Torero’s business.
Taking away a man’s written word, spoken word and money can be devastating, financially as well as mentally.
It’s one thing to break the rules of a platform, but it’s another thing to strip a man of his business and attempt to ruin him.
Danya Hajjaji even took it a step further by including the following image, along with the following caption:
‘The logos of several of the tech firms Tom Ralis relied on—including YouTube, PayPal, Stripe, and Amazon—to run his Tom Torero business.’
Killing Tom Torero
As a result of Danya Hajjaji’s hit piece:
- Amazon and Lulu removed Tom Torero’s books
- Tom Torero’s web host took down his website
- PayPal froze and canceled Tom Torero’s account
- Stripe and WhatsApp were also contacted by Danya Hajjaji, but the outcome is unknown
- Tom Torero lost his life just weeks later
Tom Torero’s Death & How The Pickup Artist Community Reacted
We don’t know what went through Tom’s mind in his final days. But whatever it was, it was enough to push him to the limit and make the most terrifying, irreversible decision to end his own life.
On 31 December 2021, Game Global released the following announcement video, which was the first publication announcing the death of Tom Torero. It received 5,795 views in the first 24 hours, and over 10,000 views within 72 hours.
Comments began to be shared on the video:
- RIP Tom Torero! I spent my first 28 years believing I just had to accept the cards I’d been given in life. You showed me I can stack the deck in my favour. A legend, you are missed!
- This is really sad. His videos helped me overcome a post divorce depression. I was really doing bad at the time and by 2019 I went into day game as a therapy, even my psychologist supported me as a great way to heal. Tom, thank you for everything.
- We live in a world where men and their issues are still invisible. I’ve also been suicidal. The one aspect about PUA that will always be one of the best is the brotherhood of men growing together. RIP Tom.
- Tom Torero was the guy (along with James Tusk) who introduced me to day game – changed my life and opened up a new avenue and vision! RIP.
- Sad, specifically because I can identify with his video where he explains his childhood. I had all the same, terrible acne and social anxiety, also huge nerd. RIP.
- I can’t believe he took his life. He is one of those who teach how to overcome anxiety to become good with women. RIP Tom.
Ciaran Callam said ‘the legendary PUA has died’.
Joe Elvin expressed ‘the media loves tarring all men’s dating coaches with the same dirty brush’.
Nick Krauser wrote on the Krasuer PUA website that ‘history will be extremely kind to the legacy of Tom Torero’.
Defending Pickup Artists
Pickup artists are not bad people. Men are not bad people. You cannot take an entire category of humans and label them as bad. The vast majority of pickup artists are good, genuine people with good intentions.
A 2022 Game Global poll found that 13% of pickup artists believe that the pickup artist community is toxic, while 33% say that there are major issues in the community and that it needs improvement, and 54% say that there is little to no toxicity. There were 735 respondents.
Furthermore, many pickup artists just want to go with the flow or get a girlfriend or wife. Another 2022 Game Global poll asked what pickup artists are looking for. There were 713 respondents.
- 33% of pickup artists want short term sex
- 20% of pickup artists want to get a girlfriend
- 8% of pickup artists are looking for a marriage partner
- 11% of pickup artists desire a poly relationship
- 28% of pickup artists are looking for nothing in particular and just want to see what happens
This means that, if simplified, 67% of pickup artists are either looking for some kind of long term relationship or would just like to go with the flow.
Men Need Help
The media targets the pickup artist community with a lot of aggression, and often falsehoods.
In 2015, a close friend of mine was found dead in the forest by his mom, hanging from a tree. He was a famous game developer, and one of my very few true friends. He was only 20 years old. His end was extremely upsetting, and his fans still support him even 8 years on. Just last week we celebrated 10,000 members in his legacy group, after we began a campaign for his legacy in 2016, even setting up a mental health charity and putting his games back online for his fans to play.
It inspires me to know that every single week, multiple fans are writing to either his mom or myself with their memories of my friend and his games, or even new fans who didn’t know him when he was alive, but discovered him through his story and were moved by it. It’s simply awesome that all these years later, his legacy lives on and his fanbase keeps on growing consistently every single week, without fail.
The truth is, my friend still inspires me. He still inspires his sister and his mom, and he still inspires tens of thousands of young people even after his unfortunate death.
Interestingly, my friend was the first person I had ever interviewed. That was my first ever YouTube video, many years ago, but inside a game. If there’s anything I have learned from my own heroes and influences, such as my friend, it’s that perfection does not exist. My friend taught me that during the interview. I was a perfectionist, until that moment all those years ago.
The Tom Torero Legacy
Tom Torero was not a perfect man. There is no perfect man. Tom Torero came with his own flaws, just like the rest of us. And that’s okay.
Suicide is a serious issue. The world has lost too many good men, and too many great friends. Tom Torero’s death came as a shock to the community.
Game isn’t just about talking to women, it’s a game of mindset and self-improvement. Tom Torero was a teacher of men, and inspired thousands of guys to find their way.
But the legacy shall continue, as will the lessons we have learned.
It has been 2 years since the world lost Tom.
RIP Tom Torero.