3 Rules For Dating Coworkers
I grew tired of seeing people’s only advice about dating coworkers being ‘don’t do it, it will only complicate things’ or ‘don’t shit where you eat’. But that doesn’t change the fact that it fucking happens in the first place.
According to Forbes, more than 60% of adults have engaged in a romantic relationship with a coworker. Therefore, any dating coach who simply advises not to do it is simply an idiot. It also tells me that they have never dated a coworker.
Now that we have established that dating coworkers is normal, and that workplace romances very clearly and obviously happen regardless of people’s opinions about them… It’s time someone actually came up with the rules on how to do it right.
The Rules Of Dating Coworkers
Before I tell you my wild experiences dating coworkers and the steps you can take to safely date from the workplace, we should acknowledge some baseline rules for getting romantically involved with someone from the workplace.
Rule 1: Do Not Make Advances Or Sexualize
Do not ever make advances or sexualize in the workplace. Having been a victim of a woman’s sexual advances in the workplace as a man, it’s still not anywhere near as bad as a man trying to advance on a woman in the workplace.
Rule 2: Do Not Disobey Company Policy
The majority of adults end up dating in the workplace. It’s very common. But if you end up dating in the workplace, familiarize yourself with the company policy so you ensure that you do not cross any lines or face punishment. Make sure you know what you are getting yourself into.
Rule 3: Do Not Date Up Or Date Down
Do not date up and do not date down. This means that you should not date your boss, or date anyone you are the boss of. This can be deemed as inappropriate, especially in certain industries or team structures, and comes with greater risk. It is less risky to be dating coworkers on a different team, in a different building or on the same level as you within the hierarchy.
My Experience Dating Coworkers
The Coworker Who Became My Girlfriend
In 2018, I was working at different locations to train teams on sales. I represented a major American company and would be a visitor to the building of a partner company a few times a week. On one particular day of the week, a woman doing a similar job but for a Japanese company would also be in the same location.
Although we were only in each other’s presence once a week, we connected on Facebook. I would estimate that approximately 90% of people working there were men, so I had made some connections and friendships with some of the men too. One of the managers even reached out to me recently for some advice, despite having not seen me in the last 7 years.
Connecting on social media really helps, because it opens up both of your personal lives to exploration beyond the context of how you met. This exposes both of you to each other very easily, and enables either one of you to respond to the activity of the other person.
After connecting on Facebook, she started messaging me. She would even message me when she could see me from across the room or from a different floor. We hit it off very well, and we soon found ourselves on a date.
For our first date, we bought some ingredients from the grocery store and went to my place to make mojitos. We ended up playing a sexy version of truth or dare, and had sex.
She then became my girlfriend, but was already aware and accepting of my lifestyle in dating other women in addition to her.
Managing My Coworker Girlfriend Relationship While Dating Other Women
Dating coworkers isn’t necessarily easy, but I had an even more complicated layer on top of the fact that my girlfriend was a coworker… She wasn’t the only girl I was dating.
On one occasion, I came into work on our shared workday, knowing I would be leaving with her and staying at her house that night. However, I came in that day on just a few hours of sleep, having spent the night with another woman. The woman I was with scratched up my back with her nails to such a ridiculous extent that my back was bleeding. I expected the bleeding to have finished, but a line or two of blood had started to seep through my uniform near the time I had finished working.
I was due to leave work with my girlfriend, due to stay at her place overnight, and therefore due to have sex with her shortly after getting to her house.
Inevitably, I would have to explain:
- Why my back is bleeding.
- Why I have scratches on my back.
- Why I’m such a sexy man with ladies after me.
She already knew that I was dating and having sex with other girls. But can she actually take it after she sees it for herself?
With just a few hours before we were due to finish work, I came out clean and explained…
She noticed that the girl I was with just hours before had given me an obvious enough hickey for her to see from across the room when she passed by. We then shortly ended up messaging through our breaks. She became upset with me, and I had to reassure her with a lot of comfort that she was my priority and my main girl.
With 3 hours to spare, we left work together and went back to her place and made up by having sex.
So not only is this an example of dating a coworker, it’s an example of how I managed to have a girlfriend from the workplace who was also okay with my madness and the fact that I was having sex with other girls. I not only had to manage our workplace relationship, but also our relationship in the boldness of dating other girls.
Coworker Who Became My Friend With Benefits
Later that year, I had another girlfriend and continued dating other girls on the side. I had met yet another coworker from another partner company, in yet another building. She had an interesting kind of vibe and would be very flirtatious with me in the workplace.
One time, she came out with me to eat after work and revealed that her boyfriend cheated on her and that she wanted to have revenge by having sex outside of their relationship. She chose me.
After eating, we kissed and went separate ways. But she later arranged to have a date with me, which involved seeing a movie. She then came over to my place, pounced on me, and we had sex.
After this event, she grabbed my ass in the workplace in front of everyone. She couldn’t have picked a more exposed time or place to do it. We were literally part of a circle of coworkers talking about things, and she straight up grabbed my ass, with plenty of witnesses. She started acting reckless, so I made sure not to react in any particular way to her moves. We only saw each other one more time outside of work after that, and I eventually stopped replying to her.
How To Safely Date Coworkers
Step 1: Befriend Your Coworkers
Befriend as many coworkers as you can. The workplace is somewhere you will be spending a lot of time, so the people you work with should be your friends and generally have a positive relationship with you.
You should not view the people you work with as potential candidates for sex. Befriend the men. Befriend the women.
What you should be doing is being social while also being professional.
Step 2: Connect With Coworkers
Connect with your coworkers. You can have coworkers as Facebook friends, followers on Instagram or connections on LinkedIn, depending on how formal or ‘professional’ your workplace is.
I personally recommend Facebook, as it is very casual and allows you to build a more personal and informal relationship instead of a very formal one.
A client of mine from Game Global Masterclass recently got fired from his job in South Korea because his boss saw him getting the Instagram of a woman while on a film set. So it is important to be aware of the work culture and professional expectations of the workplace. Countries like South Korea are more strict on such matters.
You’re simply just being social, so there is no harm in connecting with those you work with… As long as you are doing it in a workplace that isn’t too controlling on how you connect with coworkers. And as long as you are calibrated and not alienating people. For example, it would be pretty weird and suspicious to connect only with women, and never the men you work with.
Step 3: Understand The Company Policy About Dating Coworkers
A lot of companies have policies in place about relationships in the workplace. So make sure you understand the company policy about relationships.
The one thing you will really want to avoid is getting into trouble, jeopardizing your career or even jeopardizing someone else’s career.
How To Ask If A Coworker Is Single
I always hated the question ‘do you have a boyfriend?’.
I find it way too direct, and that’s exactly the problem, especially if you are interested in dating coworkers. So over time I realized that the best way to ask if a coworker is single or has a boyfriend is by asking this question…
How’s your love life?
You’ll get much more detailed answers. Here are some examples…
- She has a boyfriend, but they are going through problems in their relationship.
- She is seeing someone.
- She just started dating someone.
- She is going through a breakup.
- She hasn’t dated anyone for a while.
