Every Shit Test We Could Think Of (& The Best Responses)

 Every Shit Test We Could Think Of (& The Best Responses)

According to the Game Glossary, a ‘shit test’ is ‘something that a woman has said to a man that will, based on his response, give her information on whether or not he is strong enough to be worthy of being a boyfriend or sexual partner‘.

When I first read The Game and dived into the weird rabbit hole that is the underground pickup artist world, the term ‘shit test’ was thrown around more times than a beachball at a Marshmello concert.

It was confusing, but it was also such a weird term that didn’t explain much in and of itself. I figured that it was just another one of those lousy terms made up by some nerds who call themselves ‘pickup artists’. But then that was until I realized that it is ultimately a ‘frame test‘, and was actually extremely useful to know about; especially for your verbal game.


Shit Test Of The Week Game Global Shittest The Game Frame Test Shit Testing


The Complete Shit Test List

So let’s make it so much simpler and list as many of these so-called shit tests as possible.

Actually, let’s go beyond that. I am writing this post based on the weekly posts I have been making in the Game Global Facebook group, a series we call ‘Shit Test Of The Week’. So this is also an opportunity to give you some of the best responses from the comments, which are immediately below each shit test on the list.

Some of the shit tests are probably not even shit tests and are just thrown in for the fun, but others can be quite common and will come in very handy.

If you think we missed some examples of a shit test, drop me a message on Facebook and suggest them. I will keep this list updated constantly.


“We’re not having sex tonight”

  • “I know, you have to meet my parents first.”
  • “I don’t believe in sex before marriage. Don’t think for a minute that you could tempt me, I shall not burn in Hell just because you couldn’t control yourself.”
  • “I didn’t say anything about that, but okay.”
  • “That is okay. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
  • “I know, I’m on my period.”
  • “Why are you bringing up sex?”


“I only date guys above 6ft”

  • “Cool, me too.”
  • “I only date girls who wear high heels.”

“Is that a girl messaging you?”

  • “No. You’re the only one I’m interested in right now.”
  • “Yes.”


“I don’t give my phone number to anyone”

  • “You don’t have to give it to me, just rent it and I’ll give it back to you later.”
  • “Thank God I’m not anyone.
  • “You don’t have a phone? Do you at least have a carrier pigeon, Facebook or fax machine?”


“I have a boyfriend”

  • “How long have you had that problem?”
  • “What’s a boyfriend?”
  • “Cool, I like the fact that someone’s looking after you when I’m not around.”
  • “Nice, he can make us breakfast in bed.”


“Are you a virgin?”

  • “No, I prefer coconut oil. Are you offering me a massage?”
  • “Yes. Promise you’ll be gentle?”
  • “Only anally.”
  • “Yes, ma’am. I’m more pure than the good Lord himself.”


“You’re a player, aren’t you?”

  • “Don’t tell my mom.”
  • “No, I’m still virgin.”


“Are you hitting on me?”

  • “Yes, is it working?”
  • “No, God is watching.”


“You’re too old”

  • “Too old for what, dear?”
  • “Are you insecure about your age?”
  • “Nobody is too old. Look at how amazing Dick Van Dyke is.”


“I bet you say that to all the girls”

  • “You’re the first girl I ever talked to.”
  • “Let me guess, you’re the jealous type?”
  • “Are you judging me?”
  • “No, I’m a virgin.”


“You’re just looking for sex”

  • “Well, you’ll have to meet my parents first.”
  • “I’m a Christian man with Christian values.”
  • “Where is it?”


“You probably have a small dick”

  • “Why are you discussing my intimate body parts in public? That’s creepy and that’s sexual harassment.”
  • “Yes, and it gets even smaller when it’s hard.”
  • “It’s only small when I’m around you.”
  • “You probably have a huge vagina.”


“Where are your friends?”

  • “Those lazy cunts are probably watching fucking Netflix or something. I’m on my own!”
  • “I thought we just met. You already want to meet my friends? This is moving so fast…”
  • “My friend actually found a girl and they hit it off.”
  • “I don’t have any friends.”


“You’re too young”

  • “It’s just my good Asian genes. It makes me look younger than I actually am.”


“What’s your vaccination status?”

  • “When I was in high school, they gave me a vaccine. The woman asked me what I had for breakfast. As soon as I opened my mouth, she jabbed it into me. That was cheeky.”
  • “Should I get a lawyer before going any further?”


“You’re not my type”

  • “Oh, well, we can’t all have good taste.”
  • “Yes, let’s be honest, I’m not anyone’s type.”
  • “Girl, I’m trying to hit, not donate blood.”
  • “Sorry, they castrated me at birth, hey ho.”


“How many girls have you slept with?”

  • “I don’t sleep with women. I am wide awake the whole night with them.”
  • “All of them.”
  • “Are you just indirectly asking how many sex diseases I have?”


“I don’t know you”

  • “How did your mom meet your dad?”
  • “Let’s change that.”


“Buy me a drink”

  • “You see that guy over there? He’ll buy you a drink. Then come back and talk to me.”
  • “Does that usually work on other guys?”
  • “I’ll buy you a drink if I find you interesting.”


“Can we be just friends?”

  • “Yes.” (And continue doing whatever you were doing)


“What are we?”

  • “Oh no, my free trial has expired.”
  • “COVID survivors.”
  • “A few drinks away from creating memories we will smirk at in 5 years.”


“Is that your pickup line?”

  • “Be patient, it’s coming.”
  • “You want me to pick you up and we only just met? I thought you were a good girl.”
  • “Not yet. I’m interviewing you first.”


“Do you always approach strangers?”

  • “Yes, but not in public toilets.”
  • “Everyone I know was a stranger once.”
  • “Yeah, mostly everywhere. But the urinals are my favorite spot.”


“I need to get to know you first”

  • “We just met, and you’re trying to make me your boyfriend already?”
  • “I appreciate that. You could be a maniac.”


“Do you do this for every girl you go on a date with?”

  • “Only on Thursdays.”
  • “No, only the ones I like.”
  • “Yes, do you like it?”


“Can you wait here?”

  • “Do an animal noise before you leave.”
  • “Can you bring me a coffee with no sugar?”
  • “Yes.” (But do the opposite and leave)


“When was the last time you had a girlfriend?”

  • “I’ll tell you where each one is right now. The first one is probably living with her parents and currently in a McDonald’s eating two Big Macs. I don’t know where the second one is. But I imagine it probably involves drugs, lesbians and feet. I don’t know where the third one is. But she’s probably with the second one. The fourth is probably in a mental hospital, yet again. Or in a prison. The fifth I can say with 95% certainty that she’s probably in Poland with her own family. The sixth one is probably about to become a doctor, and showing herself on TV in another country. And the seventh one is at home.”
  • (Tell her honestly)


“You look old”

  • “Old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.”
  • “Indeed I am.”


“The guy is supposed to pay for the date”

  • “What’s the girl supposed to do?”
  • “Are you assuming my gender?!”
  • “Oh, so your love language is tags and receipts? Got it.”
  • “Good thing we aren’t on a date right now.”
  • “That’s what the patriarchy has conditioned us to believe, but we’re better than that, aren’t we?”


“Aw, are you upset?”

  • “Yeah, I just found out I could have saved 15% or more on my car insurance.”


“You’re boring”

  • “Wait until I show you my stamp collection.”
  • “My mom says I’m cool.”


“When’s the last time you were with a girl?”

  • “Right now.”
  • “About 15 minutes before I met you.”
  • “Did you just assume their gender?!”


“What are you looking for?”

  • “I don’t like forcing labels. I prefer to be adventurous, have fun and allow what develops to develop.”
  • “A million dollars and three Hawaiian islands.”
  • “I’m looking for my wife. Have you seen her?”


“I’m just looking to make friends”

  • “Me too! I’m not really good at relationships.”
  • “That’s the best way to start anything.”


“Ew, no thanks”

  • “Why are you being so mean? My friendship coach is going to hear about this.”


“You’re weak”

  • “Is that your pickup line?”
  • “Must be the 6 kids I have.”


“I’m not that kind of girl”

  • “Good, I was worried you were taking advantage of me.”
  • “Good, because I’m looking for a good Christian woman with values.”


“You dress like a dork”

  • “I lost a bet, what’s your excuse?”
  • “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
  • “Oh, really? How would you dress me?”
  • “Really? My mom picked it out for me and said I looked handsome.”


“I don’t like your shirt”

  • “What a nice way to tell me you want to take it off.”
  • “Oh yeah? How would you dress me?”
  • “Is this your way of getting me to strip?”


“I have to go”

  • “Yeah, that’s it. Leave me like dog in the rain!”


Upcoming Shit Test Examples

The following are yet to be posted as part of Shit Test Of The Week on the Game Global Facebook group:

“I don’t go out with a man who doesn’t pick me up and drop me off”

“I don’t meet men in random places”

“I only go out with gentlemen”

“I don’t meet men on the street”

“You’re balding”

“I only talk to hot guys”

“You probably wear shoe lifts”

“You look like a player”

“You should shave”

“I don’t like your shoes”

“Your beard would be better if it was shorter”

“Did your mommy dress you?”


Click here to Join The Game Global Facebook group >>

Ice White

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