First Date Sex

 First Date Sex



Here’s what I have noticed guys doing:​

  • Having ‘nice’ conversations on dates ​
  • Not leading
  • Asking the girl logical questions and talking about logical topics
  • Shying away from sexual topics
  • Having poor eye contact
  • Not touching her
  • Staying in one venue
  • Slut shaming
  • Not self amusing
  • Not challenging her

And we all know how that usually ends.​

Here’s what I’ve found ACTUALLY works for me and my clients:​



For girls, men are a pretty low value commodity. Assuming a girl’s at least decently attractive then she’s had a steady stream of us offer her our penises day in and day out since she was 14 and ​competition for her attention is fierce. When you’re on a date, your goal isn’t to have a ‘nice’ 6/10 time with her, not at all. 


Sure she won’t hate you and MAYBE she’ll be open to being friends afterwards but you guys are never gonna have the romantic or sexual relationship you’re hoping for. You need to stimulate her emotions and take her on a rollercoaster of great vibes. 


The woman you’re dating needs to be curious, excited, comfortable, amused, stimulated, and horny in your presence. In fact, that’s what she’s hoping will happen so give her what she wants.


Now of course some of you are going to say “Ciaran I’ve got no idea of how to do that, and don’t worry I’m gonna show you, but realise this; trying to do something you’ve clueless about and being 10% successful is infinitely better than not trying at all and being 0% successful. If you never read another word of this post, make this your number 1 goal in all of your interactions with women you want to be attracted to you.




You know how men often say women are crazy? Well it’s because our minds are hardwired towards logic while theirs are hardwired towards emotion.  But guess what? Logical topics, which we men love to discuss, are the enemy of female attraction.


Logical topics include things like:


  • I work at…..where do you work?
  • What do you do in your job?
  • What route did you take to get here?
  • I hear they’re renovating St Catherine’s road and removing the potholes
  • I’m on the fast track for a promotion


Etc etc etc. Essentially I’m talking about conversations that clearly depict an accurate view of reality with zero spice whatsoever. Like you’re conveying information to a colleague or a judge as best you can.


This shit dries women up like the Sahara desert and much of why you’ve not gotten second dates or taken girls home is because of it.


Like I said; women don’t respond to logic in romantic/sexual situations. They want fun, creativity, excitement, emotion and stimulation. Here are SOME things that would stimulate her:


“I can’t be around you, if we got together I’d have to divorce you, take half your money and the kids.”


“You look like the kind of woman who knows how to throw a mean left hook.”


“OK I’m seriously gonna need you to stop laughing at my jokes. Every time you do that I’m gonna pinch you.”


“I swear to god this is true, but every time I go out at least five girls ask to rub my bald head for good luck. I need to charge for that shit.”


And so on. Now here’s the thing, some of you didn’t find THOSE SPECIFIC COMMENTS funny and some girls wouldn’t either, BUT the ones who would, would be crazily into the guy who said it. No girl is going to like those logical topics I mentioned but that’s what most guys talk about on dates.


Another thing you want to do is be prepared to polarise, and what does that mean? It means don’t be the nice guy who doesn’t want to offend anyone  because that guy pleases nobody. Give her your energy, not the watered down socially acceptable version of you, the real deal. Overwhelm her with your vibe.  it’s what she wants.




I’ve said this before but it bears repeating. No matter what society might tell you, 99.9999% of women want the man to lead and are actively turned off when we put them in the driver’s seat. Have you ever been planning a date with a girl and said “I don’t know where to go, what do you think?” If so then she almost certainly lost some interest in you as a potential sex partner. 


You need to lead at all times and how this relates to a date is that she is responding to you and being enveloped in the experience that you’re creating. You initiate the majority of conversational topics, you decide where you two are going to sit, you decide when you’re going to take her from one venue to another. 


Hell, even When she brings up boring conversational topics that will ultimately lower her own level of fun and excitement (as often happens), you are the one to steer it back to something more exciting.


You need to be in the driving seat for her to see you as a strong and confident man who she can submit to.




So this is a high level tip I’m giving you here, and I’m serious too; most guys, not even coaches know about this but here’s the scoop.  When you go to one venue with a girl, you’re two strangers who’ve gone to that venue separately; however, when you take her to another venue, you’re now two friends who went there together and trust me when I say that will make a huge difference to how comfortable she is with you. If you take a girl (who’s having a good time with you) to 2-3 or maybe even 4 locations in one date, you can expect things to get more sexual every time you hit up a new spot.


I don’t know the name of the psychological principle that underpins this, but I do know for a fact that it works. Oh and talking about sex….



I get it, you don’t want to have is talking about sex because you’re scared it’ll make you seem creepy and that she’ll hate you for it. But here’s the thing, she’s not on that date to find a neutered friend who she can watch movies with and have her toenails painted by, she’s on that date to meet a desirable man she can sleep with.


Now that’s one of the truest things you’ve ever read so please take it in. The girl you’re on a date with either wants a fuck buddy or a boyfriend, but a sexual vibe is essential for either one of those possibilities to come true.


She wants to feel desire and she wants to feel lust, maybe she doesn’t want to act on it immediately, but she definitely wants to feel it and by shying away from sexuality you’re disappointing the hell out of her and honestly wasting her time.


Still, here are some ideas for conversation topics that can help you to verbally escalate and introduce sexuality into your conversation


“Have you ever kissed a girl?”


“If you could hook up with a celebrity, who would it be?”

Roleplay/future projecting some crazy adventure you’ll go on in the future.


Make assumptions about other couples. Do you think they’re on a first date. Do you think she wants to fuck him? Maybe they’ve been together a long time, but the sex is bad.


“What’s the most spontaneous/adventurous thing you’ve done?” (always about spontaneity like it’s an AWESOME trait).


“I can tell you’re a bad girl sometimes, if you want to be…”


Of course, there’s a time and a place for all of these conversations. 




Sometimes, it’ll seem completely inappropriate if there’s no sexual vibe to begin with.


But the idea is to being up sexual topics like it’s not a big deal, because sex isn’t a big deal to attractive men. When she sees you’re one of those guys who understands that, she’s going to feel less judged about having sex with you quickly.


Still, the flirtatious vibe has to be there.

Always remember the way you talk to her is more important than what you say.




Don’t underestimate the power of eye contact and voice. You want to stare and speak in a manner that relays: “I’m going to fuck you”. Imagine how you’d stare at your girlfriend when things are getting hot, and you tell her to blow you. That’s the vibe you want throughout the conversation.  


Speak slowly and seductively, as if you know she’s up to something naughty and you’re trying to figure her out. There will always be a time when the conversation turns fun and friendly, but you can always go back to this vibe.


If you get this down, you’ll have her giggling and getting turned on, no matter what you’re actually saying.




Again, I get it, you don’t want to be a creepy pervert, but realise this, no girl is going to feel comfortable kissing you without you two already sharing some degree of comfortable physical intimacy first. Something to remember about sex is that while for us it begins with penetration, for women it begins the moment you guys first lay eyes on each other. Seriously I mean that, everything that happens after the moment you guys meet is part of the sexual experience. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, a 30 minute (ideally longer) symphony and not a 3 minute pop video and like a symphony there’s a slow and gradual build up until you reach the “yes yes fuck me harder” crescendo. 


So as I said, you need to touch her and the way to do it is to start with body parts that are relatively innocent and work your way up to those that are more risqué. However, you’re going to be completely calibrated as you do this, so if at any moment you can see that she’s not comfortable with what you’re doing, you stop, and go back to the last thing she was comfortable with.


Here are 15 ideas for sexually escalating with a woman, a bunch of escalation moves, which start tame and slowly become more bold.


  • Fiddle with her jewellery while showing interest in it 
  • Any sort of touching is good. Here’s an innocent one to start with.
  • Playful taps on the arm or leg when she says something cool or funny – Sit next to her on a date, so you can do this more easily.
  • Any excuse to touch her hand. Palm-reading, arm wrestling, looking at her rings or tattoos.
  • Leading her somewhere by the hand
  • Over-the-top jokes about getting married or a super-romantic date
  • Grabbing her hands and dancing salsa (or the classic PUA spin hand-shake)
  • Readjusting or picking something out of her hair
  • Asking if she’s sporty and playfully feeling her arms or abs
  • Pulling her in close and throwing her arms over your shoulders
  • Hugs
  • Nibbling on her ear or neck
  • Rubbing her hands on your chest or ass
  • Grinding on the dancefloor
  • Kissing etc…


Obviously, there’s loads more…




You want to know a huge part of why girls won’t sleep with a guy ‘early’ or will try to play hard to get? It’s because they think the world will judge them if they don’t. Something you as a man need to realise is that the women around you are keenly aware of how you’re perceiving them sexually and will tailor themselves accordingly. 


Ever noticed how girls are more likely to sleep with a guy they’ve just met on holiday than one they just met back home? It’s because when they’re thousands of miles away from prying eyes they don’t have to worry about having their reputations ruined for doing the very thing everybody on this planet wants to do.


Anyway my point is this, if you do any form of slut shaming infront of a girl, you’re basically telling her that you’ll lose respect for her if she opens up that part of herself to you and that’s naturally going to cause her to close it up. You want to let her know that she’s safe to be that way around you and like I said, the way to do that is to celebrate her sexuality. 


Earlier I mentioned asking a girl if she’s ever kissed another woman, or had a threesome and just realise that when you ask these questions there has to be no judgement coming from you whatsoever. If there is, she’ll feel it and trust you less, but if there isn’t her trust, curiosity, and arousal will expand, if she says she’s had 2 threesomes, that’s awesome, if she’s kissed 3 girls that’s awesome. In fact you ideally want to imply that you’ll respect her MORE for having had wild sexual adventures and here’s an example of something I say which will do that.


“If there’s one thing I respect it’s people who live life on their own terms and embrace it to the fullest, you know? People who aren’t afraid to say yes to new experiences. Like my friend Jessie, she’s like the most fun loving girl I’ve ever met and she’s always having these crazy sexual adventures. Every week she’s got another story to tell me and it’s fucking awesome. I love that girl.”


Now just so we’re clear, think about what has been implied by the above sentence (which for me is actually true). What’s implied is that I have a female friend who trusts me enough to tell me things most girls would never tell a guy, and that I not only don’t judge her for it, I celebrate her. It also implies that if the girl I’m talking to were to have a sexual adventure with me that I wouldn’t think less of her but that I probably would if she didn’t.




It essentially goes like this, when you tell a joke are you saying it because you yourself find it entertaining or because you hope she will!? If you’re saying it to entertain yourself you’ll give off a vibe that will be captivating to her even if she doesn’t actually vibe with the content of your words.


If you’re trying to get her favour you’ll push her away, turn her off, and make her less likely to want to go home with you. Nobody likes a suckup.




Logistics are key, and if you’re hoping to be able to take your date home it will help if you’re already near your home to start with. Many a man has been unable to take his date home because the date location was too far from his place and when he suggested going back she rationalised that she needed to get home early for work. Don’t make that mistake.




I know I said I only had 10 tips, guess I’m a liar. ?Anyway, telling your date about something cool you have at your place midway through the date provides an excellent reason for her to come back at the end of it. 


Now just so we’re clear, it’s not like she’ll genuinely believe she’s going back just to see your life sized pet rock or husky puppy, girls know what’s up, but they tend to not like making decisions which clearly point towards them having to see themselves as slutty. Seeding the pull is mainly about giving her plausible deniability so she doesn’t have to tell herself she’s going to do a ‘bad thing.’ You can also use these extra tips to make sure that your next encounter goes smoothly. 


Hope you got value from this ❤️


Click this link to book a free consulation call with me >>


We’ll use this call to discuss your current situation with dating and see if you’re a good fit for one-on-one coaching.  


Speak soon,



Ciaran Callam

I take men who don’t know how to meet women & give them an abundance they never dreamed possible. I take meek mice & turn them into wild lions. If you follow my instructions I’ll change your life, and that’s a fact.

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