A lot of seduction advice usually centres around specific techniques you can use to seem more high-value. But let’s be honest… it doesn’t really cover all the bases. No matter how many funny lines or stories are in your back pocket, you’ll eventually fuck it up and lose their interest…without a strong undercurrent of self-love.
Women have innate confidence detection systems that are sharper than anything us guys have. These systems are always running in the background whenever you speak to them. If you’re pretending to be someone else, it’ll cost valuable mental energy that you’ll eventually run out of. As that happens, chinks will form in your external shell of bullshit bravado; and you can bet that women will notice.
This happened to me all the freaking time when I was younger, because I was using canned material as a mask for my damaged self-esteem. At that moment, I realised I had to heal myself from the inside out instead of the outside in. I’d argue there’s plenty of you guys here that need to do the same…
Here are some tips you can use to build the inner self-confidence that shines through when you square up to a hottie. None of the exercises here are easy and none of them are overnight fixes but they’ve worked wonders for me.
Here come the pain!
Talk to people all the time
If you want to be good at ANYTHING, you need to do it a lot. That’s how you learn to walk, talk, write, whistle and jerk off. Being sociable is no different! Most people are confident in situations they’ve mastered and nervous in ones that are new and scary. So it makes sense that you can max out your charisma by talking to a shit-ton of people until you get really good at it.
Stop walking around with blinders on and isolating yourself from the people around you in public, say hey and talk to them. Strike up conversations with old women at bus stops, gay male cashiers in supermarkets, pretty girls in line at the college cafeteria and pretty much everyone else in between.
Put yourself in so many new and scary situations and on such a regular basis that your brain eventually goes Hold on! This shit ain’t so tough actually! In fact I actually kinda like it. That realisation will definitely happen if you push yourself. When it does you’ll be way more confident and charismatic in social situations. Your fear will drop and rather than being nervously stuck inside your own head and filled with self judgement, you’ll be more in the moment and able to express yourself with power.
On that note, don’t be afraid to have conversations about the things you’re interested in too. Enthusiasm is contagious and you’ll be surprised how many people will be sucked into a discussion about stamp collecting if the person who starts it is deeply passionate about it.
Try this as an exercise: talk to people whenever you can.
Forgive yourself and everyone who hurt you
I actually wrote a whole post about forgiveness, because it’s so important. I’ll summarize it quickly for you guys. Think of your brain as being a super-speedy modem and imagine that being both happy and miserable both take up valuable bandwidth on that modem. The more beefs you have with other people or even yourself, the more bandwidth you’re eating up inside your brain.
That’ll stop you from being able to radiate the good vibes people love to be around. They say that hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. When you dislike other people or yourself, it’s like a weight you carry around your neck that you don’t even realise is there. Once you notice it, you can’t believe you ever put up with it for so long.
We all have people who’ve hurt us and who we think don’t deserve forgiveness, and maybe we’re right, but forgiving them helps us more than it helps them. We all have things about ourselves we don’t like and secretly punish ourselves for. Maybe we fucked over a friend years back and feel guilty about it, and maybe we feel like shit for not living up to some standard of beauty that society pushed onto us.
No matter what our reasons for disliking ourselves are, the fact is that we still need to forgive ourselves to be properly happy and help reclaim the innate charisma we were born with. Try this as an exercise: Spend 15 minutes a day forgiving yourself and everyone who ever hurt you for the next month and see how you feel by the end of it. The results might surprise you.
Be grateful for everything you have
Every successful person says that gratitude brings even better things to you. Meanwhile, ungrateful people repel good opportunities. I don’t know if this is true, but I do know grateful people feel happier about their lives and radiate a positive energy that attracts other people. Since I have been practising daily gratitude, I found it way easier to approach girls because I cared way less about whether or not they rejected me. Funnily enough, this made them reject me less!
So be grateful for what you have.
You’ve all been born into an era with limitless access to knowledge. You most likely have a family, a warm bed, health, functioning eyeballs, 4G access and more. You’ve got way more going for you then you realise but it doesn’t have to be like that. You can realise what you’ve got to be grateful for.
Try this as an exercise: spend 10 minutes reflecting on what you’re grateful for each and every day.
Talk nicely to yourself
We all have two minds – the conscious and subconscious. The conscious mind is the one that’s reading my words in your skull right now. The subconscious mind is the one that kept you breathing in the background while you’re reading this post. We may feel like we’re consciously in control of our actions, but actually over 90% of our actions come from subconscious programming we received as kids. We continue to install this on a daily basis as adults.
Now, when you consciously positive thoughts about yourself (even if you don’t currently believe them), that’s like installing the newest iOS 21.1 onto your mental iPad. The new IOS won’t appear overnight, and you will face internal resistance as the established belief system fights to maintain its dominance, but you’ll eventually get there. At some point your sub- conscious will accept the new programming.
In any event, my basic point is be very mindful of how you talk to yourself because your subconscious is always listening to your thoughts. If you call yourself a loser every day, that’s exactly what you’ll believe. How do you think girls will react when you’ve got that belief running in your mental operating system? How do you think they’ll react when you truly believe you’re a champion.
Try this as an exercise: 10 minutes of positive reinforcement every day
Write a daily journal of your feelings
Babies are able to cry and scream their eyes out, then go right back to normal afterwards? It’s because they actually allow themselves to feel their emotions instead of bottling them up. That’s the exact opposite what adults tend to do. Repressed emotions weigh us down just like beefs with other people and negative self-judgement so they need to be released for your sake.
Try this as an exercise: write a daily 5-10 minute journal of your feelings. Don’t deliberate over what you’re going to write. Just write without thinking about what’s going to come out and let nature take its course. Watch as your sub-conscious pulls up crap you’ve been repressing. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel afterwards. Ciao for now, human.
I used to truly hate myself and these exercises really helped me turn my life around. If you want to talk about how I can help you get the same results and also transform your dating life then book a free consultation with me right now.