What Do I Say?


If you’re wondering what to say to a girl after you’ve introduced yourself, our guide will give you some ideas.

Hey, it’s Ciaran.

In the video above and the guide below will give you some basic ideas about what to say to a girl you’re attracted to, after you’ve introduced yourself.

In fact, I have prepared a basic structure for how you can go from saying hello to swapping contact details.

However, the most important thing to remember is: the words that leave your mouth really aren’t that important.

You’ll notice in our daygame module that Joe rarely says the same words to different women. There are millions of things you can say to make a woman like you.

That’s because only 7% of communication is verbal. It’s far more important to display confidence in your body language and the tonality of your voice, because this is what’s going to make the biggest impact on a woman.

However, a basic idea of how to structure a pick-up can help you feel more confident when approaching a woman.

So, let’s dive into our step-by-step guides for a daytime and nightclub approaches.

What to say to a girl during the daytime

Step 1. Statement of empathy

“I know this is a bit random, but”

“This might seem unorthodox, but”

This shows you have the emotional awareness to realise she might feel a bit uneasy about talking to some random guy on the street, and that you’re not some sociopath.

It also gives her time to tune in before you get to the point, and that point is…

Step 2. Statement of intent

“I noticed you look really good today.”

“You look very nice, so I wanted to say hi”

This may seem direct, but it’s important she knows why you’re speaking to her.

Ever had someone be randomly nice to you on the street without them saying what they wanted?

It makes you suspicious, confused and creeped out, no matter how cool the person seems.

The statement of intent may be bold, but it pays off.

Step 3. Assumptions

“You look like some sort of sports athlete training for the Olympics.”

“I assume you’re on a lunch break from your high-end corporate job.”

“It looks like you’re trying to do all your Christmas shopping in one day.”

Use her appearance to guess what type of person she is.

This is a good opportunity to exaggerate what you see, using humour to break the tension. This could spark her curiosity, causing her to ask why you made this assumption, or at least present her the opportunity to contribute to the conversation by correcting you.

It also allows you to explain what caught your attention, and why you chose her over every other girl.

“I saw you in that summer dress, and assumed you must be here for London Fashion Week.”

This is far more effective than asking questions, and expecting lengthy answers after 30 seconds of knowing you.

Stack these assumptions, until one hooks her interest and she begins to invest in the conversation.

Step 4. Screening for logistics

“What are your plans for the next 10 minutes?”

It’s important to know this as soon as possible.

Is her friend going to swoop in within seconds? Is she waiting for an Uber right now? Is she derping around not really knowing what to do with herself?

If it’s the former, you know you need to exchange contact details quickly.

If it’s the latter, you can take your time.

Step 5. Investment (something that makes her interested in you)

Some funny/interesting story about that helps her get to know you.

Ideally, it’s linked to something she said, but it could just as easily be something that’s on the top of your mind.

Throw in some sly DHVs (demonstrations of high value) if you like.

Here, I want to add the main message that body language, self amusement and a great vibe count for A LOT. Way more than the content you’re throwing at her here.

Anyway, the point here is that she has to realise you’re cool before going any further into the interaction.

DON’T make the hugely common mistake of asking screening questions or trying to close, because she’s not talking much and it’s awkward. Instead, just carry on with the stories about you until she opens up.

Step 6. Comfort-building

Getting to know her

Once she’s opened up, I’d push for the instant-date.

Either way, once she seems impressed enough with you, it’s time for you to dial down your ‘game’ and get to know her.

Now, it’s OK to ask questions.

I like to ask questions, which screen whether we’d be a good match (giving her the opportunity to qualify herself. Girls love to chase. If you don’t want a flake, it’s good to give the impression you’re not 100% sold on her yet)

The more she can open up about herself, the more comfortable she’ll feel around you. This creates a ‘connection’ and she’ll be more open to meeting you again.

Step 7. Close

“You seem cool. Let’s keep in touch. Do you have Instagram?”

If you’re swapping contact details, social media is best (that’s a topic for another chapter though)

The strongest closes are those where you pitch a time, place and event to meet again WHILE YOU’RE TOGETHER.

That way you need to go through all the BS back-and-forth when you’re texting her.

This way, your texting only needs to involve confirming the plans we already arranged — and her saying yes. Simple.

What to say to a girl at the bar

Step 1. Open

It really doesn’t matter what you say in a nightclub.

What matters more is your vibe. Are you happy? Are you confident? Are you FUN. Nightclubs are for FUN.

Honestly, just say whatever pops into your head that YOU find fun.

That’s way better than some clever canned pick-up line that you thought up especially to impress her. Girls find them so cringeworthy. Spontaneity is key.

  • Honestly, I like to say: “Hey guys, how’s it going?” This might seem too basic, but remember it’s mostly about the sub-communications.
  • Joe deliberately loves to open with nonsense, just to prove that it doesn’t matter what you say.

Step 2. Talk, talk, talk

Beautiful women get a lot of male attention in clubs — and most of these guys are creepy losers. This results in them developing a “firewall” when they’re approached.

They may well assume you’re the next creep of the night, until you prove otherwise, so don’t be put off if she’s not instantly receptive.

You need to be prepared to carry 90–100% of the conversation for the first couple of minutes. Our guide on never running out of things to say will help with this

Hopefully, once she sees you remain fun and confident in spite of her indifference, she’ll start to warm up to you.

Step 3. Befriend her friends

It’s just as important that her friends like you…

If they don’t, they will do everything in their power to stop her talking to you. She’ll almost always let this happen. Her friends’ approval means way more than some random guy.

If she’s in a small group (of 2 or 3), you want to approach the group as a whole, then focus on the hottie once the whole group likes you.

Once the hottie thinks you’re awesome, go back and win over the friends some more. She’ll need their approval before she goes home with you.

Step 4. Flirt

Please don’t forget this step.

It’s one of the biggest mistakes I see guys make (other than being too scared to approach in the first place)

Yes, it’s easier to be friendly-friendly to protect your fragile ego from getting blown out. But you WILL get blown out if you don’t flirt with her eventually — just in a more pleasant way. She’ll probably say “nice to meet you” and walk off to find a man with the balls to go for what he actually wants.

You don’t need to go full Johnny Bravo and only talk about how hot she is…but you need to need to pepper in a few flirtatious statements.

It’s important to throw in some physical flirting too

Start small, perhaps by playing with her jewelry, putting your arm round her or the classic ‘spin hand-shake’.

Ideally, you’ll be able to drag away from her friends (to the dancefloor, the bar, smoking area maybe) where she’s likely to more receptive to this behavior.

Step 5. Close

You didn’t ask specifically about this, so I’ll keep it brief. The ‘close’ could be exchanging numbers, a kiss, or pulling her home for passionate sex. Whatever you both want it to be.

This is a lot to take in, so I want to reiterate that none of the above needs to matter. It’s just a structure to hold onto if you need it. 

Need help in some area of your dating life? Not as confident as you’d like to be?

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